Joe is yelling at the trees again.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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