Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
