I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
