Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
