Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
