You really coming over, don't trick.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
