You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
