like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
