oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
