he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
