so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
