OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
