Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Randomize
