I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Randomize
