Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
