There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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