Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
