I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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