Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
