looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
