i can't believe i had my finger in that
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
