Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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