She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
