she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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