I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
