just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
