Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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