So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
