It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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