HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
