why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
