Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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