just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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