I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Randomize
