I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
