Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
