just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
