I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
