I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
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