I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
