I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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