I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
