I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
