Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
