glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
