I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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