I faked an abortion last night.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
