when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
