I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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