just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
