Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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