did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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