he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
